What People Really Wish You’d Bring to the Party

It’s a cob loaf. People wish you’d bring a cob loaf.

My editor asked me to write this fun, insightful article about the things people really want you to bring to parties, but before I do that, I briefly want to talk about the fabled cob loaf – because like let’s be realistic, that’s the only thing people actually want you to bring.

My nana makes a mean cob loaf. I know everyone reckons that theirs is the best (including Liam Stapleton, Triple J host, who argued that cob loaves don’t require cheese – I know, wtf!?) but honestly, my nana’s cob loaf is one of the best things to grace this green earth. So by all means, read to the end of this article if you want, but your key take-away should be that people only ever want you to bring a cob loaf. If the invite says something jovial like “Just bring your fun selves!” they’re lying. They want a hollowed out loaf of bread filled with cream-cheesy goodness and baked to the tune of a toasty 180degrees Celsius. Ooft.

Anyway, back to it.

Cob Loaf: *see above.

Cups: somehow cups always run out? Be a pal and bring a few cups to the party, and if you want to be a friend to the environment too (please do) check out plastic alternatives that won’t go straight to landfill.

Salt & Vinegar Chips: always a party favourite. I once had a friend who, at a party, screwed up her face at the offering of salt and vinegar chips. We’re still friends, but boy did we go through a rough patch.

A Portable Speaker: there’s nothing worse than having to resort to the-phone-in-the-bowl situation when either a) the host’s portable speaker goes flat or b) everyone collectively realised that no one thought to bring one.

A Bottle Opener: I’ve never been to a party where the question hasn’t been asked: “Hey, do you have a bottle opener?” Go on, be the hero. It’s a great feeling.

Regardless of the above, I stand by what I said earlier. At the end of the day, you could bring all these things and still not get the same reaction as showing up with a freshly-baked cob loaf.

You’re gonna need some clothes to go with that cob loaf.