The Noughties Trends We Wish We Could Forget

We’re all guilty. Even birthday girl HRH Kate Middleton.

There are some things you can’t help but love, that you want in your life forever and ever. After downloading more season of Friends than we could fit into our Sunday, we were obsessed with all things noughties. The slip dresses with t-shirts underneath. Those overalls of Phoebe’s. Every single thing that Rachel ever wore. Most of it, magic.

But there are some things we’d be perfectly happy never to see again from that time. Things we never want to see the light of day. Case in point: photos from that time we had an asymmetrical haircut in first year uni (it wasn’t, as we thought, “very French”). But it’s not all just in the hair department.

The style stakes are where we find the greatest offenders. (Consider: whatever you wore to your Year 10 formal.) So while we’re crushing on all things noughties, there are a few exceptions to prove that rule. Here’s some of our please do-not-pass-go pieces...

Thanks to Getty Images

Super low-rise jeans
Once upon a time, people believed that the world was flat. When they go over that, they believed that the shorter your fly, the better. Under that decree, our jeans were worn low. Really low. We were all guilty of this sin. HRH Kate Middleton included. Eventually, though, we came to our senses and returned to the high- to mid-rise, to the Mum jeans of old. More room for pizza that way.

Thanks to Getty Images

The scarf top
Remember that moment when you realised you could turn any old scarf / bandana into a top? It felt like you’d unlocked the Da Vinci code, like you were a Designer with a capital D. No need for Saint Martins, you had it covered. And then ... We realised you could make them out of Glomesh.

Thanks to Getty Images

Diamantes everywhere
Diamante necklace! Diamante bag! Diamante bra! There was no end. But there most definitely should have been.

Thanks to Getty Images

The cropped cardigan
Some people (hi Mum!) are really into their cardigans. For the rest of us, they’re the thing you drape over the back of your office chair for when the AC decides to wage winter on you. And even then, they are full length.

Thanks to Getty Images

Faded lens sunglasses
Sunglasses should be your best friend. They protect you from the sun, sure, but added bonus: they’re your own portable privacy screen. They hide hangovers and tears and how you really feel when a Taylor Swift song comes on. While we’re all for vulnerability (thank you Brené Brown), we also like lenses that don’t give the game away.

Thanks to Getty Images

Chain belts
Unless you are some kind of loan shark / Marvel superhero / a combination of the two, there is absolutely no need for oversized chains in your life. For one: they make getting through airport security a real hassle.