How To Make Friends As An Adult

For a start: wine.

There are all sorts of reasons you might want to make new friends. You don’t like your old ones. You have moved town. They moved town. And then, there’s the whole friends finding partners scenario. Oxford professor, author and often-quoted authority on friendship, Robin Dunbar tips that we lose an average of two friendships when we get into a romantic relationship. So how can you replenish your friend count to one that will keep your dance card relatively full? Not everyone, after all, can live in a rent controlled apartment with your friends just across the hallway and date / marry almost exclusively within that friendship group. (It did, though, make for ten seasons of quality viewing.)

So, here goes: how to make friends as an, gulp, adult.

Thanks to Getty Images

Be less awkward
Yes, you read that right.

“We let friendship opportunities pass us by every day because we are too awkward, too complacent or too shy to grasp them,” Kate Leaver – author of The Friendship Cure – wrote for The Guardian.

“Have the courage to change that.”

If you’re talking about a movie with a work colleague, ask them if they want to see it with you. If you’re talking to your neighbours at the communal clothesline, why not invite them over for a wine some time?

Join in
It’s important to put yourself in close proximity to other people. It's so much easier than trying to meet people from the comfort of your lounge room. So, join a club, a choir, whatever. Sign up to community newsletters to find out what you can get involved in in your area. If you’re near a beach, check out Fluro Friday – it’s a great way to meet people in your community of a Friday morning.

Volunteer
How can you make friends while making a difference? Check in with your local charities and community groups and see where they need a hand. Also: if you’re beach side, why not check out the Surf Life Savings Club.

Say yes
To hen’s parties. To birthdays. To after work drinks. No matter how tenuous the connection, show up and be seen.

Have something on offer
Share something you love with someone you want to like. It might be a happy hour at your local, a movie or an exhibition you're keen to see. Simply ask someone you see as a potential friend to be your plus one.

Work it out
Group fitness classes are a great way not only to work on your rig and general fitness but to meet people. If nothing else, you’ll bond bitching about being up so early / training so hard.

Ask for intros
It doesn’t need to be a blind date-style affair. Instead you might say to a colleague, “Let’s go for dinner. Why don’t you bring a few friends?” That way, it’s super clear it’s not a date and you get to meet more people.

Follow up
After saying sayonara on your friend date, be sure to follow up with a nice text and then something that sparks future conversation. A link to an article they might like, or an Instagram post that relates to something you spoke about.

“Doesn’t matter what it is really," writes Leaver. "You just need to keep some form of communication going so the connection doesn’t vanish into the chasm between first and second friendship dates.”