How Learning About Your Love Language Can Improve Your Relationships

Love like you mean it.

“You can never have the same kind of love twice,” they say. We agree. Love means different things to everyone and there’s many expressions of it too. For the unacquainted, the idea of 5 love languages is transformative, if you let it be. Coined in a 1992 self-help book by Gary Chapman – a #1 New York Bestselling author and marriage counsellor – is the theory that you naturally give love the way you prefer to receive love. A note for the cynics: it’s still on the NY Times bestseller list 28 years on, so it must have some substance. Anywho, you’re curious so percolate over the five languages with me* and psychoanalyse yourself while doing so. It’s gonna be fun!

@dualipa

ACTS OF SERVICE

For those intimately or platonically entwined, acts of service manifests itself as freely carrying out tasks for those you love without them asking. Yep, exactly like when they washed your sweaty activewear, peeled the heads of slippery, fresh-caught prawns, picked you up from the airport and so on. Now you can view these small acts with a new kind of rose-tinted lens and hey, maybe even have the foresight to predict them! Who comes to mind?

@saasha_burns

QUALITY TIME

Speaking quality time means partaking in meaningful activities or mutually clearing your schedules to do sweet nothing. It might even sound like being the first one to make plans or come up with a new list of restaurants to claim as Your Spot. And while it wasn’t originally mentioned by Chapman – quality time is synonymous with being present, sans modern technological distractions... Instagram I’m looking at you. In the name of love, try and give the thumb scrolling a rest.

@e.s.j.a.y

WORDS OF AFFIRMATION

You’re wearing a new outfit? They say, I love that on you. It’s your birthday? They say, I'm so glad you were born. Compliments, recognition, encouragement (See also: Jerry’s mat talk on Cheer) and even heart-felt apologies – written or verbal – are this camp’s lingua franca. Uh huh, your gal pal tagging you in #relevant quotes and asking to text when you’re home safe counts as affirmation-inclined. We all love a little verbal reminder to feel loved and respected, but we could return the favour to our favourites too, no?

@laurennburns

GIFTS

The intent behind gifts transcends culture and millennia. There’s something special behind an “I wanted you to have this” and “I saw this and thought of you”, like when your ride or die scored that piece at the sample sale you missed. Now turn your mind to the prime example, Saint Valentine – the romantic of all romantics – revered every Feb 14th by exchanging tokens of affection. Don’t discount hand-made either, like a home-grown fruit basket or bouquet of blooms. One caveat: a gift isn’t a gift if there are strings attached.

Shop The Look

...

Alana Ring

...

Adenia Mini B...

...

Rose Quartz G...

...

@nycbambi

PHYSICAL TOUCH

They’re not in Paree but they may as well be. Those who speak physical touch are proponents of lip locking, lip locking in public, friendly cheek bisous, hugs hello, shoulder squeezes, or all of the above. We all know someone who likes to get close. If you don’t, it’s probably you. According to scientists, hugs release feel-good chemical oxytocin, which we could all do with more of. Go on, they’re free!

THE HAPPY ENDING

You’re wondering what weaves these languages together, it’s simple. Surprises! No matter your preference, everyone LOVES surprises, amiright? On a practical note, try leaning into the language your loves naturally give, and be open in telling them about yours. Or switch it up and make an effort to give the love they value most. You needn’t have identical love languages, star signs, or outfits to have a great relationship. But if you’re not speaking eachother’s preferred languages, it’s time to ask yourself why. Oh, to love and be loved!

If you have no inkling whatsoever, don’t fret. One of the love language quizzes is a Google away. For more, discover our gift shop to make present lovers’ hearts content – theirs or yours.

XOXO

*An untrained relationship advice-giver with 4 years-and-counting personal experience. FYI my love language is food, demonstrated as gifts and acts of service. Ahem, being the snack purveyor for my 9-5 pals (you’re welcome guys), cooking my S.O healthy san choy bow or a block of sweet single origin 95% dark chocolate gifted in my favour (hint, hint).

Shop our gift edit... if that's your thing.